fulfilling life that aligns with your spirit
How To Repair A Damaged Relationship
Published on 1 Dec 2011 at 8:04 am.
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Filed under Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies.
Conflict is a normal part of two people with different needs, interests, and motivations coming together. It’s how conflict is handled that determines the quality and ultimate success of a relationship.
Researchers at the University of Washington (the same researchers who can predict the future success of a relationship with 93% accuracy) have discovered that successful relationships address conflict using a single technique – one that’s so effective at addressing conflict that it’s called a repair.
REPAIR
A repair is a gesture that shows respect and concern for the other despite disagreement. Repairs take on many forms, but all aim at resolving a conflict together—as opposed to winning a conflict on your own. A repair can be anything from suggesting a compromise, to owning your half of the situation, to voicing respect for another party, to using humor to break tension.
In the heat of an argument, a repair sends an instant signal that you think the other person is important, that you respect him or her, and that you’re willing to put the good of the relationship ahead of your self-interest. Repairs don’t just improve the outcomes of the conflicts that you weave them into. They inject health into relationships that have been damaged by discord.
MAKING REPAIRS
It’s safe to assume that we’ve all had conversations that could use a repair. A simple discussion breaks into a disagreement or gets stuck going around in circles. In these broken conversations, past mistakes get brought to the surface, regretful comments are made, and blame is prevalent.
No matter who said what, or who “started it,” it’s time to refocus and fix things. It’s time for you to step back, quickly assess the situation, and begin repairing the conversation. Repairs happen in a four-step process:
STEP ONE – TAKE YOUR EMOTIONS OUT OF THE DRIVER’S SEAT
A repair involves moving beyond the expression of anger, resentment, and hostility toward the other party. Your first hope for a successful repair lies in your self-awareness. You can’t improve on an argument if you’re being thrown over a barrel by your emotions. Disagreements bring your emotions rushing to the surface, and you can’t perform a repair unless you understand them. Don’t waste time feeling guilty about your feelings. Just focus your energy on understanding them for what they are. If you find your emotions are so strong that it’s hard to think clearly, it is probably best to save the discussion for later.
If you’re so emotional that you’re getting tunnel vision, feeling sick, or are just in a haze, the most successful repair is explaining to the other party that you feel overwhelmed and need some time to cool off and get your thoughts together before continuing. Your argument is not going anywhere, so don’t pressure yourself into a discussion when you can’t think clearly.
STEP TWO – TAKE A LOOK AT THE FIELD FROM THE OTHER SIDE
If you are composed enough to have some perspective on the situation, you can initiate the next step in a repair. Use your social awareness skills to focus your thoughts on what things must be like in the other person’s shoes. Don’t spend time thinking about what they’re like. Just imagine what they’re thinking and feeling.
What’s important to them and how is that driving their behavior? You can’t launch a successful repair until you fully understand why the other person is doing whatever it is that they are doing.
You have to show the other person that you care about how things look from their point of view, even if you don’t agree with it. This can’t happen until you actually see things the way they do. To do so, you need to let go of blame and focus on the repair. Do you want to be right, or do you want a resolution?
Move beyond thinking of ways that you can convince the other party of your opinions, and ask yourself what you can do to honor their feelings. Respecting another’s opinions, right or wrong, is the key to compromise.
STEP THREE – MAKE A REPAIR AND EVALUATE ITS EFFECTIVENESS
At this stage of the game, all you need to do is craft your repair and give it a whirl. Keep in mind that an effective repair will:
- Show respect for the other party
- Show concern for the other party’s perspective
- Find common ground
- Be neutral in tone
The look of a successful repair can be as varied as the problems it solves. A repair that works in one situation with one person may just make things worse in another. Saying “What exactly do you mean by that?” can sound like you are minimizing the issues in the middle of one argument, but be received as a sign of wanting to make things better in another.
To perform a successful repair, arm yourself with the knowledge that many of your attempts will crash and burn. Even an empathetic comment like, “I understand what you are saying,” can be perceived as belittling if the other party is defensive or not accustomed to you saying this.
Be ready to try multiple repairs in a single argument and expect that they will not all go off without a hitch. The more you repair, the more the other party will be receptive and do the same. People with the best skills at repairing disagreements are the same ones who try the most often.
STEP FOUR – DISCUSS REPAIRS TOGETHER
It will also help your relationship to discuss repairs together. If you can talk about your arguments, you are both more likely to initiate repairs the next time you have one. When repair attempts are always one-sided, a relationship usually fails. Both parties need to work to resolve challenges together.
By talking about repairs, you develop the understanding that they are important. Even if the other party has trouble making repairs the next time the two of you argue, he or she will likely recognize your effort and realize that it is an attempt to make things better.
A successful repair must be initiated by one partner at a time, but when the other responds in kind, the relationship builds an unshakable strength that can only come from a high level of emotional intelligence.
A little effort on to repair a damaged relationships can help communication around the festive table go smoothly and positively regardless of the subject matter!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” and the cofounder of TalentSmart, a think tank and consultancy that serves more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies and is the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.
Love and blessings,
Lorraine
http://www.powerfull-living.biz/blog/2011/12/01/how-to-repair-a-damaged-relationship/trackback/
Five Spiritual Laws That Strengthen Or Shake Faith and Trust, Part 5
Published on 27 Nov 2011 at 8:48 am.
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Filed under Attraction,Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies,Spirituality & Inspiration.
The Law of Intention and Desire
I hope you have been enjoying this 5-part series! Here is the last one.
The Law of Intention and Desire truly goes hand in hand with The Law of Expectation.
The Law of Intention reminds us that when we align with a clear intention and deep passion in mind, body and spirit we set the conditions to powerfully attract what we intend to create.
This Law is based on the fact that there is always an infinite amount of energy and information present to create what ever you desire! And energy always follows intent.
Desirable changes and manifestations depend on conscious ATTENTION and INTENTION.
Focused attention and intention creates a force that magnetizes to you what you most desire. Whatever you give attention to increases energetically.
Attention and deep desire energize The Law of Attraction.
Removing your attention causes the energies to scatter and dissipate.
Getting to your core desire and designing an intention in affirmative language also sets a tone for our energy and decision making.
I shake my head when I hear people express frustration with their life when the they invest a small portion of their time, spiritual practices, heart-centered attitude and actions on attracting what they say they want and spend the bulk of their time in a negative mindset.
For example, you may create an intention to have a make a difference in the world and make money doing what you love.
Everything you think, do and say must align with that intention in order for it to be made manifest in your physical reality to the degree that it is a match – or better yet, surpasses your desire. The core energies of The Law of Intention are clarity and alignment.
You might be creating blocks in what you desire to create because there is conscious and unconscious intention in conflict because of your life experiences!
You might deeply desire to be of help to others and harbor feelings of unforgiveness towards people.
You might desire loving relationships and be struggle with loving yourself.
And what you want as a human being might be very different from the intentions of your soul.
Your soul’s purpose for being here in a physical body is to grow and be a Creator.
As a human being, your intentions might be on success, material possessions, making money rather than aligning with the desires of your soul.
Can you have both?
Of course!
With the shift of consciousness happening on the planet, what you put your attention and intention on must prioritize your soul’s purpose and intention to be in harmony with the New Golden Age, a time for joy, love, and prosperity.
With an intention for the future, your attention must be in the present, which is conscious awareness that is real and eternal. Choose to lead from your heart in taking inspired action that will manifest your intentions for tomorrow!
What is essential is to detach from the outcome so that you are not struggling against the present moment in the pursuit of manifesting your future!
Your focused intention lays the groundwork for effortless, spontaneous expression of your desires! This is the path of Grace.
For the past year, one of my deepest desires and intention has been to have unshakeable faith and trust with the God of my understanding that everything I want and need will be supplied. With life feeling upside down in so many ways, this desire and intention felt critical for me to follow my passion and purpose. Perhaps you have that same desire?
In response to my prayers, I have created and attracted a very challenging and painful year as well as a powerfully liberating and abundant one in many ways. Has my faith and trust shaken? You bet.
What has emerged from all of the flux in my life combined with deep inner transformation work IS that my faith and trust is stronger within myself AND with my Divine.
Give thought to your current desires and intentions.
What are you giving energy to?
Are you radiating from faith and trust or from desperation and fear?
Are your expectations, intentions and desires in alignment with what you truly wish to attract, consciously and unconsciously? (Inner shadow transformation, forgiveness, beliefs?)
What needs to be healed, shifted, transformed and released to manifest what you desire and intend now, and in your future?
There are dozens of Spiritual Laws at work that govern your life including the Laws of Cause & Effect, Energy, Co-Creation, Abundance, Cultural Conditioning…….You may choose to read about more of these Laws or focus on a few to align more consciously with the Universe.
Faith and trust is being challenged today as our lives change in ways we have never experienced or imagined. Understanding these Laws help to put some questions into perspective and can begin to quiet your mind.
Transition is the psychological reaction to change (anger, fear, confusion, sadness..) and is fueled by the subconscious mind; the part of the brain we cannot easily access to create shifts in the beliefs that affect emotions and actions. During intense periods of change, fears run high. Faith and trust can weaken.
That’s why I created the next Pathways to Awakening, 4-week Journey into Faith & Trust!! This is the 5th in a series of mini journeys that have helped folks break free of the past and limitations of their mind to become more Conscious Creators in alignment with their soul and Divine destiny.
I felt a strong Divine nudge to offer this powerfull transformational program for the first time beginning December 6 or December 7. Choose the day or evening time that is best for you and take advantage of a special tuition that expires Friday, December 2, midnight EST. This program will help you fortify your faith and trust with Divine Power, courage, and excitement to create an exciting 2012. Learn more and sign up here.
PS: A few weeks ago I wrote an article called “Making Peace with I Don’t Know” and I talked about the difference between desperation and helplessness. Read it here.
Missed Parts 1-4? Click below:
Part 1 – The Law of Opposites
Part 2 – The Law of Divine Timing and Divine Order
Part 3 – The Law of Attraction
Part 4 – The Law of Expectation
Love and blessings,
Lorraine
www.powerfull-living.biz/pathways/
Five Spiritual Laws That Strengthen Or Shake Faith and Trust, Part 4
Published on 25 Nov 2011 at 6:05 am.
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Filed under Attraction,Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies,Spirituality & Inspiration.
The Law of Expectation
(Adapted excerpt from Aligning With Destiny program with co-leader Anita Pathik Law)
“You are perfectly aligned to get the results you get.”~Dr. Stephen Covey
The Law of Expectation works in harmony with The Law of Attraction.
Energy always follows our thoughts.
What you believe, assume, anticipate, expect or even dread or fear, consciously and subconsciously, forms the creative energy towards manifestation, and has a direct impact on the experience you create.
Expectation is an energized thought form that is highly creative in nature and may be in competition with what you want (or think you want) to create in your life.
If you believe and expect something negative to happen, you will manifest a negative outcome.
If you believe and expect good things to happen, you will attract positive experiences.
The core energies of The Law of Expectation are anticipation, faith and fear.
We become so attached to seeing things in certain ways—ways we see ourselves and our life experiences as they relate to our current reality—that we unconsciously limit a new reality from being experienced in our lives.
The trap is becoming so aligned with that story that it becomes your way of being. We inadvertently reinforce our “stories” into permanence and become a “victim” in a reality that we have actively helped to create over and over and over.
Your thoughts and beliefs shape your experiences and expectations.
If your expectation is more aligned with the undesirable, you will continue to create the undesirable.
Let’s say you desire financial prosperity and abundance in your business and life.
If what you expect is not a match to your intention – you will more likely manifest your expectation.
How you view what you attract can positively or negatively influence your faith and trust.
What you really EXPECT is:
- You will have to work extra hard to market and increase sales, which is something you hate doing, and may feel a lack of competence, or confidence
- You’ll be working so hard you won’t have time to have a life
- You will lose your freedom to…
- You will have to make sacrifices that are undesirable
- It will only be temporary and soon you will find yourself in the same mess…. again
- Miracles only happen to other people
- There will always be an ebb and flow, rather than a steady stream
- You can’t really make money doing what you love
- People won’t pay for what you have to offer
Which ones do you relate to?
Which will ultimately win – Desire or Expectation?More often then not, expectation wins. Even if the manifestation of the desire occurs, because the expectation clouds everything you see and experience, odds are you might miss it.
Why? Because it is so different from your picture or expectation of what you wanted or intended.
“You’re always getting a perfect vibrational match to what you predominantly give your attention to. But you’ve got to make the best of it. You’ve got to vibrate slightly different from where you are if you are going to improve where you are. You can’t keep taking score of where your business is or your relationship is, or your body is without continuing to create it as it is. To make improvement, you’ve got to reach for a different thought.” – Abraham-Hicks, Tampa, FL 12/6/03
When focusing on what you wish to create and attract in your life, what expectations do you have?
Working with the Law of Attraction (LOA), remember that your beliefs, thoughts, emotions desires, and attachment to what happens are all connected with your expectations and intentions!
If your desires, intentions and expectations do not match, it’s time to look within and take responsibility for what you are creating as your reality.
Explore your positive and negative expectations with an open heart and curious mind. Suspend any judgments.
If you feel a loss of faith and trust in yourself, others, and The Divine in how your prayers and dreams are manifesting, get honest.
What were your real expectations?
Where does your faith and trust need to be strengthened?
What thought patterns do you need to shift, transform, and release?
Be willing to shine a light on any vibrational inconsistencies between your mind and your soul. By mining down to your expectations, you can see if they are a match to your desires and support them or counter them.
Part 5 is coming in a few days!
Missed Parts 1-3? Click below:
Part 1 – The Law of Opposites
Part 2 – The Law of Divine Timing and Divine Order
Part 3 – The Law of Attraction
Are you yearning to be liberated from pain, struggle, and fear? Want to deepen your faith and trust in yourself, others, and The Divine? “Pathways To Awakening” is a series of monthly mini courses designed as deepening journeys to help you release the past and open to greater joy and prosperity while fulfilling your Divine destiny in this new Golden Age of joy and prosperity.
The next Journey into Faith and Trust begins 12/6 0r 12/7. Choose your day and time! Take advantage of the early tuition through midnight EST, Friday, December 2, 2011. Click here: http://powerfull-living.biz/pathways/ to learn more.
Love and blessings,
Lorraine
Happy Thanksgiving! May You Be Blessed
Published on 23 Nov 2011 at 4:22 am.
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Filed under Feature Articles,Spirituality & Inspiration,Videos.
Wishing you all a very blessed Thanksgiving!
Hey – are you free today at 1pm EST, 11/23 to join me and my friends Anakha Coman, Dee Meyer, Ken Stone, Mary Denaro, Dan Howard and some other cool folks for a special Thanksgiving call and a few surprises you will love!
In this REAL conversation, we’ll focus on gratitude, faith and trust, love, Grace, surrender.. and celebrate the many forms of gifts, miracles and blessings we have all received this year that have s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d us out of our comfort zones to align with this planetary shift of consciousness into the new Golden Age. You’ll also receive some special guided experiences you will love!
No registration necessary. Just show up to share and receive!
It free! Click here for the webcast link and call in details.
I’ll be ending the call with a Oneness Blessing too!
It’s gonna be great.
Enjoy this beautiful movie!
Love,
Lorraine
http://www.powerfull-living.biz/blog/2011/11/23/happy-thanksgiving-may-you-be-blessed/trackback/
Five Spiritual Laws That Strengthen Or Shake Faith and Trust, Part 3
Published on 21 Nov 2011 at 7:23 am.
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Filed under Attraction,Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies,Spirituality & Inspiration.
The Law of Attraction
I love synchronicities. There was no accident that “The Secret” and all the buzz on the Law of Attraction (LOA) came to public view several years ago.
Esther and Jerry Hicks are best known for talking about LOA in their Abraham materials. It got people talking about the Power of Manifestation and their role in the process. Great!
Conversation stimulates awareness which is all part of personal and spiritual growth.
The following LOA formula is taken directly from Dr. Joe Vitale’s bestselling book, “The Attractor Factor”.
THE 5 EASY STEPS TO MANIFESTING YOUR DESIRES:
1. Know what you don’t want.
2. Select what you do want.
3. Clear all negative or limiting beliefs.
4. Feel what it would be like to have, do or be what you want.
5. Let go as you act on your intuitive impulses, and allow the results to manifest. In other words, to want without needing what you desire, letting go of attachment to any outcome and being absolutely ok with whatever happens. Surrender to receive what is for your best and highest good.
Is it all that simple?
No.
Because there is a critical factor to what you deliberately create and attract. YOU
We live in an energy Universe and you are an energy being. What you bring your focus to in thought, emotion and behavior is attracted into your life. What you are thinking and feeling is a good indication of what you are in the process of creating. You magnetize towards you that which you bring your focus and energy to because all that flows to you is a match to your vibrational energy.
You may want money but your overriding feeling and subconscious belief is not feeling good enough. You may want a loving relationship but your inner most feeling are ones that reflect feeling unlovable.
In other words your outer world is a manifestation and reflection of your inner thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions.
Folks jumped on the idea of The Law of Attraction as being their answer to ending their life challenges and struggles. They saw using LOA as a magic bullet and easily became disillusioned when the outcome they hoped for did not manifest they way they wanted or happened fassst enough. (Divine Timing, remember?)
It doesn’t work, I must be doing it wrong, it’s just a bunch of hooey…
Step five about letting go of attachment to the outcome hooks folks every time.
Rather than view what they were attracting as a healing and growth opportunity to transform themselves and raise their vibrations, their faith and trust shook with doubts and fears.
Why? We don’t know how to let go and fully surrender without trying to control, manage, or direct what happens to get the outcome we want. And when things don’t pan out as we hoped, we get angry, look for someone or something to blame, give up, feel helpless….
So when I hear people talking about applying the Law of Attraction and expressing frustration with their results, I understand. As one of many, many spiritual laws that govern the Universe aligning with spiritual Laws is not a technique you master in 5 easy steps.
Transformation is a process not a light switch. True transformation is a shift of consciousness and energy vibration that becomes integrated into who we become. Transformation goes beyond changing a thought, feeling, or behavior through practice and intention because we become the change we desire.
If you haven’t done the inner work to clear emotions, attitudes, and behaviors that are manifesting more of what you don’t want, you’ll continue to feel frustrated and have the same results. You can’t side-step doing the inner work.
You might be able to let go of a limiting belief in an instant by making the decision then and there. You might need to do more in-depth work that requires time and effort. The more you can appreciate the process as a journey of evolution rather than an event or technique to master, the easier and more fun it can become!
Love and gratitude are the core magnetizing energies of the Law of Attraction. When blocked, seek opportunities to forgive and move into gratitude and demonstrations of love towards self and others.
One more thing… I believe we are Source energy with the power to manifest our desires, wanted or unwanted and taking LOA literally diminishes the relationship we have with the presence and power of God in the equation.
What is also missing in thinking about LOA is that our soul’s intention for being here is growth and expansion and our human desires and intentions might be a mismatch. That’s why I include the phrases, “For my highest and best good, or this or something greater” when I express and focus on what I want to manifest.
Has your experience with The Law of Attraction caused you to lose faith and trust with your SELF, The Divine, others?
Or have your life experiences served to help you stretch beyond your limitations and comfort zone to become more of the person you are destined to be?
If you have lost faith and trust in the ways your life is unfolding take a look at #3 & #5 again with an open mind and heart!
To dance with this law, you must be willing to embrace all that you create, remembering that everything is in service to your growth and evolution. There are no mistakes, Nothing is wasted.
Trust THAT!
And if you are struggling with money woes, be sure to read this article I wrote on Tithing, a practice many people misunderstand that affects the flow of money and abundance you attract into your life!
Part 4 is coming in a few days!
Missed the previous posts? Click on the links below
Part 1 – The Law of Opposites
Part 2 – The Law of Divine Timing and Divine Order
PS!…
Enjoy my Thanksgiving with my friends Anakha Coman, Dee Meyer & Nanette Kennedy, Ken Stone, Mary Denaro,& Dan Howard as we talked about gratitude, faith, trust, surrender, forgiveness, love, aligning with this shift of consciousness and shared some special guided meditations!
Access the recording to this transformational call as my gift here. It ran almost two hours and I encourage you to create sacred space to listen. It will be worth your time! Feel free to share it with friends too!
Love and blessings,
Lorraine
