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The Truths About Changing Beliefs, Self-Love, and Transformation

Published on 8 Jan 2013 at 8:31 am. 12 Comments.
Filed under Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies,Special Events,Spirituality & Inspiration.


In my 25+ years of coaching, spiritually guiding, and counseling people we spend many months on self-awareness. You can’t change something you don’t recognize. So, building awareness is the first step.

What many believe is that when they become conscious of a belief, negative pattern, or past pain they will be magically transformed. The only thing that changes is that they uncovered something they didn’t know.  Sometimes what is revealed confirms or clarifies something they suspected or knew at a deeper level of awareness.

Or they feel they have been working with specific issues for a period of time and they feel frustrated because their “stuff” is still popping up.

I thought I was done with this!

I’ve worked on this FOREVER!

How do I get rid of ____ permanently?

Becoming aware of something is not a magic bullet. Relying on mental processes like affirmations can create shifts in beliefs but… real transformation occurs in your heart. You cannot think yourself into opening your heart.

There is a 12 inch gap between your head and your heart. The head is ruled by the ego and your subconscious mind. The soul governs the heart.

People consistently ask me for resources and techniques that will get rid of their unwanted thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I shake my head in compassion. They are still trying to sidestep the “feeling” part of the healing journey by trying to control, manage, and direct their experience. 

Transformation is a feeling NOT a thinking experience.

Transformation is a process not a technique; an inner shift into a higher state of consciousness and vibration.

A client of mine has been working with a childhood hurt centered on feeling abandoned and betrayed by her parents. This theme has played out throughout her life. When she feels that wound emerging in her close relationships, she feels enraged.  Over the years she has developed understanding and compassion for others in recognizing that they too, are suffering from pain.

She has also come to recognize the ways she has abandoned and betrayed herself by not speaking up, breaking self-agreements,  having loose boundaries….Even though some of her beliefs about herself and others have changed, the  pain of betrayal still packs a strong emotional charge.

Why?  She gets stuck in anger and revisiting past memories. She swirls around in rage and self-righteous indignation that protects her heart from touching the real pain which I believe is a well of grief. She’s been trying to use her intellect and mental processes, we have done in sessions, to transform the past and avoid doing the “feeling” work.

Within that deep sorrow is a need for forgiveness and love for others and most especially, for herself. Until she is willing to fully feel and embrace her sadness and open her heart to forgive, she will stay stuck in this pattern of hurt no matter how many times she tries to change her beliefs, think differently, and make herself be at peace.

Last year during a health situation, I discovered guilt I had been harboring in my body that had to do with a conversation I had with  my mother over 30 years ago. My mother was in despair, and I lacked the words to counsel and console her. I felt I abandoned and betrayed her. Several years later she died from leukemia.

Even though I recalled the memory and had worked on lots of forgiveness and self-love, I was unaware of how much guilt and blame I carried in my heart for her death. Once revealed the floodgates of sadness opened and I was sobbing. In a session with a trusted healer, I was able to bring the pain to peace and love.

Life is an ongoing onion peel experience. You are proof of that. We keep uncovering pieces of specific life themes because we have buried our stuff under so many layers to protect ourselves and survive.

You might find some complex themes still playing in your life because there are some pieces you have not uncovered that still hold a painful emotional charge. They might be wounds that have been deeply buried because they are so tender.

Instead of getting annoyed or frustrated, welcome recurring patterns and beliefs when they emerge. They reveal themselves to you when you are strong and open hearted enough to invite your pain to be healed.  You cannot outrun yourself. Wherever you go, you take YOU and your stuff with you.

Yes, heart openings often include pain. Pain validates your hurt. Many times the release of pain and healing can happen very quickly with Grace, and even joy. Transformation is a journey of courage and commitment to walk through those dark places into the light and reclaiming your Self.

Each time you recognize, feel, accept, and embrace things about yourself with love and compassion, your heart expands. Each time you welcome all parts of your humanness, you come back into greater states of wholeness. Each time you feel self-love, you reUnite with the Divine. 

I believe that developing a strong inner foundation, relationship with your soul, and bond with the Divine are essential keys to real transformation; to transcend the past and move into higher states of consciousness and vibration. Trying to do this work alone is unrealistic. 

And an act of self-love is realizing when you need help to get out of your own way and have someone you trust to be a witness, a space holder and partner in walking through, not around, your pain. Seek professional help with someone skilled at navigating this tender terrain.

You ARE worth it!

You are also invited to join me for a 4-week transformational healing journey to open your heart to deeper self-love beginning Wednesday, January 23.

The highly potent program includes weekly meditations, EFT, and deepening processes that have catapulted past participants into higher states of joy, abundance, peace.. is  designed in the moment by God to release your emotional burdens and liberate your True Self.

Learn more and take advantage of payment options and early tuition before January 18 at midnight EST and join with me for a 4-week journey into Self-Love here.

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12 Comments to ‘The Truths About Changing Beliefs, Self-Love, and Transformation’:

  1. Edie Weinstein on 8 Jan 2013 at 9:29 am: 1

    Wonderfully expressed, this journey we take. I can tell you that I have often been feeling avoidant, even as a therapist myself for tons of years (more than 30) and emotions still sometimes gobsmack me): What I have found each time is that if I don’t allow myself to sit in the messy, mucky stuff and attempt to breeze right passed it, it is only waiting around another corner or tree or rock to pounce. Better to face it when it arise. Thank you for getting up early to write this.

  2. Maria on 8 Jan 2013 at 10:14 am: 2

    Love. Namaste.

  3. lorraine on 8 Jan 2013 at 12:41 pm: 3

    Thank you for sharin here Edie. I know that same feeling on bumping into my stuff when I am avoiding or doing even know it is there! I am gratefull for it all! :D

  4. lorraine on 8 Jan 2013 at 12:42 pm: 4

    Hugs babe :D

  5. Katharine Bain on 10 Jan 2013 at 2:53 pm: 5


    Yes, I totally agree with all the insights you offer in this fulsome communication. It’s good to hear the details of another’s experience as it can give us courage to transverse our own. We are such complex beings in our infinite differences. And yet they all add up to the same thing, accepting ourselves as the amazing beings we have always been. Thank you for the wisdom.

  6. Michelle Mayur on 10 Jan 2013 at 8:09 pm: 6

    Out of all the articles I have read recently, this one has more wisdom in it than all the others combined. Divine Love and the higher realms are always there to support us in the process of touching our pain, letting it go and opening our heart.

  7. lorraine on 10 Jan 2013 at 9:08 pm: 7

    Thank you Michelle. I have so much respect for you and your wisdom. I appreciate your taking time to share your heart and affirming my post. :D

  8. lorraine on 10 Jan 2013 at 9:14 pm: 8

    Thank you for adding your thoughts Katharine. Honoring all of what makes us unique, rare and especially human, fosters a solid foundation of love and self-love. Life is a journey of both courage and curiosity full of shadows and Light that ultimately bring us “home”.

  9. Linda Pagenkopf on 12 Jan 2013 at 3:38 pm: 9

    Thank you Lorraine for this beautiful article with such great insights. We need these re-minders and so often negate the significance of working with a practioner to hold space and witness the healing we are there for.

  10. lorraine on 12 Jan 2013 at 4:19 pm: 10

    So true Linda. Embracing the journey and allowing it to unfold as it is meant to is not always easy. I think we all need these reminders at times when our emotional burdens become hard to bear alone. Thank you for adding your voice here :D

  11. Tess on 13 Jan 2013 at 1:36 pm: 11

    Hi Lorraine,
    Great article! I find that awareness, on a purely cognitive level can bring more pain and self-judgment, but if received openly, without judgment and rationalizing, but with love and acceptance, can bring us closer and closer to the peaceful and loving beings that we are. Thank you! For this article and the love and sincerity I feel from you.

  12. lorraine on 13 Jan 2013 at 2:37 pm: 12

    Beautifully said Tess. Thank you for adding your voice and your heart to the conversation. I feel your love as well. :D

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