fulfilling life that aligns with your spirit
Knowing When To Say YES Or NO
Published on 5 Oct 2009 at 9:35 am.
5 Comments.
Filed under Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies,Spirituality & Inspiration.
We make decisions every day. Some are so automatic or easy we barely give them any thought. Others give us pause to consider whether saying YES or NO is the right choice.
When faced with decisions, do you:
- Worry about making mistakes?
- Fear you’ll make a choice you’ll regret?
- Make choices that are motivated by fear or guilt rather than listening to your heart?
- Have difficulty trusting your intuition and instincts?
- Have concern about how your decisions will affect others?
A few days ago I wrote an article on, “What is Your Relationship With Money?” in response to the many comments and questions people email me about their financial fears and their future. When we are in fear, we can make impulsive fear-based decisions for short-term gratification that might bring long-term regret.
With so many invitations and opportunities to grow your business, make money, enhance the quality of your life, knowing when to say yes or no can be confusing and overwhelming.
Last week I had a second a conversation with two close colleagues and friends about being actively engaged in the launch of their new business. They’ve been laying the groundwork for a new membership site for conscious organizations and individuals to bring spiritual principles and practical business applications together as way of doing business in this new economy. Exciting, right? We’ve partnered on a few projects over the years and they invited me to be a part of this new venture.
When we discussed the ways in which I could be an active player, I could feel the resistance building inside as a weight and weariness swept over me. For the last few months I’ve been heavily promoting two of my signature programs. Writing my book and developing the new program I’m excited about has gone on the back burner until this month.
Now, I was having a conversation about saying YES to something new that would require time, energy and focus that would potentially affect my commitments to my book and program development.
My ego/mind was saying, “Lorraine, this could really lead to some great passive revenue. And if it explodes the way they intend, you’d be crazy to pass up the chance to make money doing what you love!”
My instincts, body, and heart was saying, “This is not the right time. If you say YES now, you’ll be diluting your energies from writing your book, developing the new program you’re excited about, and running your business.”
I realized I had to say no. The timing was off. I could feel it. While there will be plenty of opportunities to be involved at a later date, I was fully prepared to walk away even if it meant the door closed.
I had to. Saying YES now was the wrong answer.
Guilt-ridden and fear-based decisions rarely turn out well. When we are driven by shoulds, shouldn’ts, musts, and have tos… choice virtually disappears. It becomes a choice – no choice situation that is motivated by our ego rather than our soul.
How to know when yes or no is the best answer?
Here are ten questions to consider:
- Do you feel passionate and excited to say yes?
- What are you feeling intuitively?
- What are your trusted instincts telling you?
- What is your body telling you?
- Have you taken time to meditate and be still to hear your heart?
- What fears or concerns do you have about your decision?
- Is it the right time?
- If you say yes, what will you have to say no to?
- If you say no, what are you saying yes to?
- Is saying yes or no in alignment with your goals, intentions, or vision?
Check out Derek Sivers post on saying yes. It’s great!
Exercise: The 24 hour boundary
If your decision isn’t urgent (you decide what urgent means), take a 24 full hours to sit with the situation. Use the time to tune into your heart, weigh your pros and cons, meditate, confer with trusted friends who can be objective if you need help with clarity and perspective, and then come back to your heart. You will probably find your first instinct is correct and the answer you come back to is the best choice.
If you don’t feel 100% confident and at peace with saying yes then the appropriate response is no. Feeling iffy or confused can mean you mean more information, something feels off, and you need more time to sit with the situation.
There is a difference between saying no when it is the right answer for you and when you are avoiding something that can be life-changing for you that feels scary. Fear of the unknown, success, failure, or losing something – love, money, respect….can be powerfull motivators that hold you back or push you forward positively or negatively. While fear and excitement can feel like the same energy, excitement feels expansive and fear feels constrictive.
The more you know who you are, the faster you’ll be able to recognize if you are using excuses, reasons, and rationalizations to run away from your life.
When we make choices that are Divinely inspired and heartfelt rather than motivated by fear or guilt our life experiences lead us to more abundance, joy, and purpose. The key is being willing to be in discomfort while you are moving forward in trust and courage.
Go watch my video movie: I Say YES
One of my favorite books is Debbie Ford’s, The Right Questions: Ten Essential Questions To Guide You To An Extraordinary Life. This is an excellent resource in making decisions in alignment with your heart.
I also recommend my ebook, How Do I Choose- a five step blueprint for making rock-solid decisions.
Bottom line: Nothing is ever wasted. Every action, and choice offers a healing and growth opportunity for you and those you love. And when those choices cause others in your life to feel uncomfortable; to stretch outside of their comfort zones, have faith that you are being of service to them in their own healing and growth process. Be willing to say YES with boundaries and discernment; being selflessly (without ego) in service to others without needing to be in sacrifice to SELF. Have the courage to be the model of possibility and potential.
Whatever decision you make, even if it felt absolutely right for you at the time and it no longer works for you now, is an invitation to you to make a new choice. Be willing to take those next steps in faith and trust with your heart to guide you. One step at a time.
Cheers,
Lorraine
Carol Rozek on 7 Oct 2009 at 12:44 pm: 1
Lo,
Your advice and reminders are always so timely. I did follow my heart and instincts when I decided to teach classes, as scary as it was, and people signed up! Deep down I knew the decision would bring me into the next and highest version of myself. So I went with it. And lo and behold, abundance cometh! Thank you for your ongoing support and encouragement.
Love,
Carol
lorraine on 8 Oct 2009 at 5:52 pm: 2
Many thanks Carol
One of the ways we break through fear is taking the risk and courageously stepping forward into new territory in faith. The abundance flowing to you is a great confirmation of how well you dance with the Universe. Keep listening and trusting babe!
Tariq on 11 Oct 2009 at 3:30 am: 3
It is very helpful and encouraging to select the ways of life
your afforts are appreciable ,readers take a satisfaction when they gone through it ,,,,,`TARIQ`
What’s it gonna be; yes or no? « "Life as a Remote User" on 19 Jan 2010 at 1:22 am: 4
[...] Is it the right time for me? [...]
lorraine on 19 Jan 2010 at 12:24 pm: 5
Only you can answer that Jason