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3 Fears That Affect Decision-Making
Published on 6 Jul 2009 at 6:05 am.
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Filed under Attraction,Personal Development Strategies,Spirituality & Inspiration.
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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one”. –Elbert Hubbard
We make decisions every day. Some are so automatic we barely notice them. In my eBook, How Do I Choose? a 5-step blueprint for making rock solid decisions, I talk about three common fears that cause people to hesitate or avoid making certain choices
There are many questions and points to consider when making decisions, big or small. I have found the following three concerns repeatedly come up, causing stress and anxiety for many people.
Each of these concerns is grounded in fears: of rejection, the unknown, being alone, abandoned, failure, being embarrassed… Notice which ones you most relate to.
Fear # 1: How can I be sure my decision is the right one?
So often, people who are struggling with making decisions tell me their biggest challenge is being sure their decision is the right one. They often look as if they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, feeling pressure to come up with the right choices. Whew! In fact, fear of making a mistake is a prime reason so many people procrastinate.
What makes a decision the right one?
What makes something the wrong decision?
How do you distinguish between the two?
Would you say a right decision is one that:
- Makes everyone happy? (C’mon, is that even possible?)
- Has a positive outcome – one that you really want or like?
- Goes smoothly?
- Feels good?
- Carries the least consequence, or causes minimal disruption/change?
Would you say that a wrong decision is one that:
- Had problems not anticipated?
- Produced an outcome that didn’t work out the way you hoped or wanted?
- Caused stress, emotional discomfort or pain for you?
- Cost you time, energy or money you were unprepared to spend?
- Upset others?
Let’s eliminate the idea of good or bad decisions, shall we? Good, bad, right, wrong…according to whom? According to what measurements and who created them?
Instead, consider the idea of making the best decisions in any given situation at that moment in time. Imagine approaching situations with the intention of making the best choice you can with what you know and what your heart (that “inner knowing” inside yourself) is naturally attracted to. When I say your heart, I mean listening to your instincts and gut response to everyday situations and people.
In reality, you can only know what you know by being informed and thoughtful in your choices. Imagine viewing your choices and outcomes as “learning opportunities.” Letting go of the pressure of having to make right or wrong decisions can be very freeing and allow you to better evaluate the options before you. Approaching your choices with an attitude of curiosity and with a desire to learn will free you from self-reproach if the outcome you intend fails to occur.
Have you ever had a gut response to a situation that required a decision? What did you do? Did you follow your instincts (your heart)? Did you ignore your gut response, like so many people do, and look for other people’s opinions to guide you or direct you? How did things work out for you?
Have you ever felt strongly about a decision and then found yourself questioning that idea after speaking to someone else? What happened?
On one hand, soliciting advice from people you respect will afford you insights and points of view you might not have considered. On the other hand, you can be influenced by people’s viewpoints that are colored with their emotional issues (such as their fears) and judgments that, ultimately, create more confusion and doubt for you.
We are most influenced by people we trust and depend on for advice and support. If you are swayed by the opinions of others from following the course of action that is best for you, then who is really making your decisions? Whose life would you be living?
Here’s an example:
You’re looking to start a new business. You have lot of questions and decisions to make. You might look for direction from someone who has fears about change, money and uncertainty. The advice you receive will probably be biased with their fears, which in turn, might cause you to become fearfull.
Truth #1 – Making the best decision will ultimately be the right choice for you. Bring your inner wisdom, instincts, and intuition into your decisions and let go of attachment to the outcome. Choices that are Divinely inspired will always guide you to what is in your highest and best good.
Fear #2: What if I make a mistake?
What if you do? Can you imagine if we all did things perfectly all the time? How would we learn? How would we grow as people if we always did everything right the first time? Read my article post on: Failures and Mistakes: Keys to Success
The beauty of making a mistake is that you can learn something new, something you might not have known before that you can begin to integrate and implement into new ways of doing things. Trial and error is a great learning curve.
Facing an important decision, you can only consider what’s best based on what you think, feel, and the information you have at that moment in time. If more information is needed, get it. If you’re under pressure or deadlines, I believe that if you don’t feel 100 percent on board (in your gut) to say yes, then the best choice is NO. Making decisions for the wrong reasons (you feel you should, have guilt, feel influenced by others, or are feeling fearful) rarely turns out well. Regrets and doubts creep in when we feel pressure to say yes before we are fully committed to the decision. Even after making the best choice, having some trepidation, fear or doubt is normal when faced with key decisions that might be life changing.
There’s no such thing as a perfect decision. If you are unhappy with a situation in which you wish to remain, you have two choices:
1. Change the situation.
2. Change your way of being in that situation. Change your way of thinking, feeling and acting in that situation. Approaching a person or situation from a different point of view might create a different result that is more desirable.
For example:
My client, Dan (not his real name)Â had been looking for another position with a new company for quite some time. After interviewing with several potential employers, he chose a company he felt offered opportunities for advancement, skills development and financial rewards. Relocating his family, he felt confident about his decision. Within six months, he realized his choice was a mistake. For the next year and a half, Dan tried to make the most of his job as he looked around for something better.
Was his initial decision the wrong one? I’d say no. Based on the information he had at the time, his choice seemed to be a smart one. It wasn’t until he became involved with the day-to-day activities that he was able to clearly see the company politics and operational dynamics. Dealing with the challenges of the job, Dan focused on improving his leadership skills and led his team to achieve multiple successes for the company. Despite the fact that this position did not work out the way Dan had hoped, he gained greater confidence as a leader, improved his communication skills, and grew as a person by getting to know who he is. Learning from that experience, Dan left the company and chose a different career path, one more in line with his passions and expertise.
Truth #2 – Every experience, regardless of the outcome, provides opportunities to learn and grow. Your attitude is key in how you view each situation and the benefits you receive!
Fear #3: What if my decision upsets others?
It might. Is your goal to make decisions that please EVERYONE? In reality, that’s a difficult, if not impossible, goal to reach consistently. The choices you make might cause some distress or ruffle some feathers. So what if they do? So often the greatest leaps we make in our life come from those experiences that stretch us beyond our comfort zones and challenge us to think, feel and act in ways that bring out our best qualities, strengths and gifts!
If helping others is a core value for you, when you are true to yourself and follow your heart, you will be assisting others to grow and to be their best. In this way, you can be a positive role model for others! When you are following your heart, people around you will experience a happier, more energized, and productive YOU.
Whether you own your business or work within an organization, you might relate to this example:
Gail (not her real name) is a stay at-home mom with two young children. She had a strong desire to start a home-based business. She knew that getting her business off the ground would initially require a great deal of time, energy and focus. There were many business and personal decisions to consider. One main concern was the impact that building her business would have on her children, marriage and personal time. How would she balance it all? Would they be upset because she was so busy? What if…?
To succeed, Gail and her family will all have to make certain adjustments in their relationship as a family. Having a home-based business will provide many opportunities for them to grow and evolve as a family and as a team.
There are no guarantees that the choices you make will please everyone and end just the way you always dreamed!
Truth #3 – Making the best decision might challenge the people in your world to step out of their comfort zone. In that way, you serve others by providing experiences for them to grow and evolve into their potential.
I believe that approaching situations with the openness and desire to learn and grow is the best way to experience life. The evolutionary leaps we can make when faced with adversity, conflict or discomfort are enormous. Life challenges us to step out of our comfort zone and stretch ourselves so that we might realize our true potential. Providing opportunities for people in your life to “stretch” is a way to help them realize their own true potential. Win-win.
Making no decision is a decision
Your life is meant to be one of experiences. You must be an active participant in creating the life you desire rather than being a spectator observing your life going by.
When you come to the end of your days, will you say you lived a full life with few regrets or deeply wished you had done so many things differently because you were afraid to say YES!
To help you make great decisions I recommend:
My eBook, How Do I Choose?
The Right Questions by Debbie Ford
Watch my video movie, I Say YESÂ and receive my special audio gift
Have a terrific week
Cheers,
Lorraine
www.isayyesnow.com
www.powerfull-living.biz
