fulfilling life that aligns with your spirit
Honoring Commitments with Your True SELF
Published on 9 Jun 2009 at 2:03 pm.
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Filed under Attraction,Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies,Spirituality & Inspiration.
I grew up hearing things like, “You made your bed and you have to lie in it” and “Your word is your bond.” Those messages make it very difficult to feel you can change your mind. Once you say yes, you’re stuck with your decision even if it makes your life miserable, right? Because that is the mark of a good honorable person; one who keeps their word, no matter what….no matter what the personal cost might be to your spirit, your happiness, your energy. Our cultural conditioning and life experiences shape our personality, the choices we make, our beliefs, and our actions.
At a spiritual retreat many years ago, my teacher brought up the topic of commitments. He said that the only real commitment was to SELF. The agreements and promises we make to others is based on who we are in that moment, what we understand to be true, and what we feel is the right decision – either yes or no.
My mother felt stuck in her marriage to my father. She realized in her late 50′s she didn’t love him anymore and she felt she could not leave him. I believe she felt many life regrets and it was too late for her life to be different. Where would she go? What would she do? How would she survive as a single woman? She didn’t drive and the idea of divorce was unthinkable to her. “You made your bed….”.  My father was a loving man devoted to his family. While he could be the biggest pain in the butt when he was being opinionated, stubborn, and controlling, he loved my mother dearly and would have done anything for her (and my sister and me.)
 When my mother was in her early 60′s she was diagnosed with Leukemia. I think she believed she had no options she could live with because she had made a commitment to her life situation. Being ill changed everything. When I received the news, I heard the clock begin to tick and I wondered how much longer she would be with me. She went into remission for a few years and, at the young age of 66, she died in 1982. I believe she found a way to free herself by getting a disease that would end her unhappiness. Did she fulfill her soul and life purpose? I wonder…..
People expect us to live up to the promises we make. We expect that of ourselves. We learn early on that when we disappoint others by not living up to their expectations or standards, there can be hell to pay: the withdrawal of love and support, being shunned, feeling judged, abandoned, or punished. Going along with the status quo, even at the expense of SELF, can feel safer and less fearfull than taking risks to step into the unknown or upsetting others. And yet, it is in the shaking up of our lives, that we come to know who we really are.
Am I talking about being purely self-centered and walking away from responsibilities because it’s uncomfortable or you just don’t feel like it? Of course not! And I am not talking giving yourself permission to quit and walk away when the going gets tough and then complaining about your life. These choices are always yours to make….
What you experience in your future is the result of the decisions you make in the present.
Is this you?
- I’m in a job I hate and I can’t leave because I need to the money
- I’m in marriage that is unhealthy and I need to stay because of my children
- I’m in a marriage/relationship that I want to leave and I can’t… where will I go?
- I’m in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill me and I stay because I don’t want to be alone
- I have agreed to….. because I’m afraid my (family, friends, children…) will get upset with me
- I can’t change my mind because my (family, friends, children…) will get upset with me
- I can’t say no because my boss will fire me
- I can’t get help because I can’t afford it
- I know what I’m supposed to do and I just don’t do it
Ouch. Yup, all of these reasons pack a powerfull punch and have legitimate concerns to consider rather than simply getting up and walking away.
What I am speaking about is knowing the difference between making the hard choices that can ultimately be positively life-changing if you will go the distance through the discomfort zone, and the choices to remain in situations that are sucking the life force out of your body, mind, and spirit because you are afraid to make a change or feel you deserve to be where you are. These are decisions that call the best of who you are to emerge in courage and faith.
There is one other point to consider- by staying in situations because we don’t want to be the cause of pain for another might very well be interfering in an important growth experience for them in who they are meant to be.  We use the excuse of not wanting to upset others to stay where we are. Or to avoid having to witness the upset of others we think we caused that can become a catalyst to beat ourselves up.
It is not your job to please others, keep the peace, and make them happy. That is their job. Happiness is an inside job; a state of mind and being that each person can create at any given moment depending upon what they are thinking and saying. That’s how powerfull we are!
Beth was a news anchor at a major network. She’d been doing the job for over twenty years and she was great at it. She loved the fast pace and adrenaline rush, the pay was fabulous, and being a celebrity was pretty cool with lots of perks. For a few years, she kept feeling that she was supposed to be doing something bigger with her life. This feeling became more persistent and she had no idea what she was meant to do. Walk away from her great career, the money, and all the benefits in a leap of faith? No way!
When the news team was fired and told they were all being replaced by a younger group of broadcasters, (she had the option of staying in a lesser capacity) she knew it was time to leave and finally step into the next phase of her life. The first year was frightening because she was reinventing herself. Six years later, she has transformed herself and her life by becoming an executive coach and media trainer working with corporations. She says, “Getting fired was the best thing that happened to me because it forced me to look inside myself and get real. I don’t know if I would have made the decision to leave the news if things had worked out differently. I’ve come to know who I am and what I am here to do. Each day I get to do what I love and get paid for it!”
Our purpose is have abundantly happy lives, being of service to others, and creating experiences so that God/Source/ Spirit could experience itself in physical form” as a Creator. Continuing to ignore our original intention for being carries a heavy burden and price: the loss of abundance, peace of mind, love, happiness, health, fulfillment, deliberate Creation…
Our Spirit speaks to us in whatever language will get our attention when we refuse to listen! Money challenges, illness, getting fired, losing everything, addictions…… can create so much discomfort and pain which can be powerfull catalysts to find the courage and strength to stop resisting who we are and say YES to who we are meant to be! The potential for self-sabotage and self-condemnation becomes intensely heightened when we abandon ourselves. When we allow our mind to overrule our spirit the “war inside of us” can bring us to our knees and we can be liberated or more deeply imprisoned by our fears. If that is the turning point that can bring us to consciousness, Hallelujah!
I’m reminded of something I heard about quicksand. The more you struggle and move around, the faster you sink. When you stop fighting, your descent slows which can be the valuable time you need to look around at what resources you have nearby to bring you to safety. The more we slow down and tune into what our inner guidance is saying, the more able we are to say YES (or no) to the people and things that serve us, others, and the world.
Are you listening to the whispers of your Spirit?
Consider some of the commitments you have made to yourself or others
- Are they commitments that serve your best and highest good?
- Are they promises you made because you felt you should or ones you made because they felt right?Â
- Which agreements have you been breaking?
- Which ones (if any) are causing resentments or regrets?
- What nudges have you been ignoring?
- Are there any commitments you have made that need to be changed?
- What is holding you back from making those changes?
- What is it costing you to do nothing, to go along with things as they are?
- When does the price become too high?
- What is it time to say YES or no to?
The truth is that when we remain in situations out of fear no one wins. It’s a lose-lose proposition. We abandon ourselves. In some way, we “know” when something is not right for us or when we are running away from our life and soul purpose. When we feel powerless and choose to stay in situations that no longer serve us, the result is the slow dimming of the flame that ignites our aliveness. When we continue to suppress the yearning of our soul’s expression to emerge, our soul begins to shrivel inside. The light goes out of our eyes, and we resign ourselves to the bed we have made without daring to risk what might be possible. We walk around asleep, unconscious to our true nature that is crying out for expression.
Prioritize your personal and spiritual journey by doing the things that open your mind and heart. When you are being true to who you really, the people in your life will get the best of you. And when you have the guts to model authenticity with love and compassion, people feel they have permission to do the same.
What a gift!
 Blessings,
Lorraine
www.isayyesnow.com
www.powerfull-living.biz
