fulfilling life that aligns with your spirit
Are You Breaking Agreements With Yourself?
Published on 22 May 2009 at 4:14 pm.
4 Comments.
Filed under Attraction,Courage Series,Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies,Spirituality & Inspiration.
Â
 I was and it felt lousy.
One of the places I had been slipping and sliding with my intentions and commitments was to exercise daily for at least 30 minutes and meditate. Some days I exercised and blew off meditating. Other days I meditated and sabotaged my exercise. I was finding it challenging to do both in the same day and I make my own schedule!
In March I began an aggressive program by Michael Thurmond called “The Six Week Body Makeover.” I had done in twice before with good results and I knew that the program would jump-start my metabolism. The program is great for me for a short period rather than long term. The reason is the program is too boring and bland for my taste. So, in the first 6 weeks, I slipped three times and managed to drop 14 lbs.
When my birthday rolled around in April and friends wanted to take me out, well, you can imagine where my good intentions went, right? My eating hadn’t totally gone south and it was heading that way at a fast pace. I knew I was out off control again and believe me, I have tons of tools and fabulous support from close friends if I wanted to set up some coaching and healing sessions.
Here are a few ways I was setting up sabotage:
- Beginning my day by getting on email before I have done my exercise. I have more energy in the morning and if I don’t get moving first thing, the likelihood that I will do an exercise as the day progresses is zilch.
- Getting on the computer late at night after I have closed down my office. Checking email or doing work after 10 pm at night usually creates too much mental stimulation and by the time I log off, which could be after midnight, it could easily be between 1 – 2 am before I close my eyes to go to sleep.   With my intention to be up at around 7:30 am, my desire to sleep later becomes very seductive making it easy to blow off exercising because I begin working with clients between 9 and 10am. My excuse is I don’t have time. If I had gotten to bed earlier then there would be no issue, see?
- Eating 4-6 small meals a day works best for me. I found that eating every 2-3 hours keeps my energy high and my body burns food faster as long as I am eating healthy – keeping salt down to a minimum and eliminating sugar except for fruits. In the morning, it takes an hour to an hour and a half before I have any desire for food. So, when I wake up late, guess what time I might have my first meal? Yup, sometimes 10am. And when I skip meals I am more likely to eat too much or to make poor nutritional choices when I do eat.
- Nighttime can be the most challenging with the greatest potential for sabotage. Many people tell me they experience the same problem. They make healthy choices during the day and at night their resolve weakens. I know that when I’m taking good care of myself from the beginning of my day with exercise, meditation, eliminating sugar, taking breaks, making good choices with what I say YES to…  evening eating becomes more manageable and my life works a whole lot better. I have more energy, greater focus, less reaction to situations, my mood is stabilized and I feel happier.
Making choices during the day that are rooted in reasons, excuses, and rationalizations add more stress and overwhelm which could then lead to emotional overeating or other ways of breaking the agreements and commitments you make with yourself.
And I’m not just talking about weight issues. I mean any area in your life that you might feel like a failure or out of control. Self-flagellation feels awful. No one can beat you up better than you which is why breaking out of negative patterns is so important because each of us is meant to have happy and prosperous lives. And I mean EVERYONE.
Last week while I was in Oregon to celebrate a client’s grand opening of her new doggie daycare business, Opportunity Barks. I decided it was time to get real…again. I was staying with my dear friend Kathleen Gage and one night we had a heart to heart about some of the things we wanted to change and what we needed to make the shift. What was missing from our formula for success?
Two things:
Accountability
Taking 100% responsibility for my choices
As a coach, one of the reasons my clients excel in reaching their goals and desires is because I provide accountability. I have often heard folks say that some of the commitments they made were handled the morning of our call because they didn’t want to tell me they didn’t do what they said they would.
Do you set goals and wonder why goal-setting doesn’t work for you?
I came across some statistics from the American Society of Training & Development
The probability of achieving a goal if:
- You hear an idea, is 10%
- You decide when you will do it, is 40%
- You plan how you will do it, is 50%
- You commit to someone else you will do it, is 65%
- You have a specific accountability appointment with the person you’ve committed to, is 95%
You more than double your chances of success when you move from decision to commitment when you have someone in your corner to report back to on your progress.
Imagine having someone to cheer you on and hold you accountable to be your best.
Even with the great support I receive from my circle of friends, I realized it just wasn’t enough. I needed more serious accountability on a daily basis. So, every morning I email or call my accountability buddy with my morning intentions and actions I will take to accomplish what I want. At night I report my progress before going to bed including anything that I thought and felt that might begin to erode my daily commitments. We began with a one week commitment to experiment with daily support, assess how it’s working or not working, and where we need to make some adjustments. Five days into this agreement with myself and my accountability buddy is going great.
The smallest slip can begin the process of unraveling resolve. I already caught a few of my slips beginning to set up when I got online late last night and overslept. Fessing up to my buddy this morning helped me begin my day in integrity with my SELF.
That’s the game we play:
- I’ll just have one bite
- I’ll make a quick call
- I’ve been good all day so having a reward is ok
- I’ll just go on email for five minutes ( LOL)
- This will just take a minute
The next thing you know, you are spiraling downwards with the intention of getting back on track tomorrow. Sound familiar? How many tomorrow’s have there been so far? Days, months, years?
Who doesn’t want ease and flow, right?
So, why do we do things to ourselves that creates so much struggle and stress?
Some reasons why we break agreements with ourselves is rooted in limiting beliefs, old unresolved pain, self-judgments, need for self-forgiveness, unworthiness, and fears.
Being in alignment with who you are and what you want creates greater ease and flow. When any area of our life is out of sync, there’s a cascade affect because we are multi-layered, multi-faceted, multi-dimensional human beings and we feel the ramifications in all areas of our life. Sometimes the effect is subtle. Over time, the effect can become quite dramatic and painful until we are willing to do something different, even severe, because we cannot stand it one more day!
Valuing personal and spiritual evolution is a critical factor in having more abundance, peace, and joy in life. Working consistently to heal, release, and transform limiting beliefs, fears, and patterns that block happiness and prosperity helps to minimize the self-destruction we can wreak on ourselves!
Are you feeling out of control?
Do you beat yourself up because you say one thing and do another?
Is there any area in your life that is out of whack?
Had enough?
To create a different outcome:
1. Be clear that what you say you want is really what you want rather than what you think you should want. Following another person’s dream rarely, if ever, brings long-lasting fulfillment.
2. Explore the beliefs and patterns that are contributing to the situation you are continuing to create. Most of the sabotage we experience comes from subconscious beliefs and patterns that are very difficult to change with our conscious mind. Healing with Theta, hypnosis, EFT and other modalities that work with the subconscious can produce powerfull internal shifts that will raise your quality of life.
3. Have the courage to walk in uncertainty without quitting too soon, feeling frustrated, and disheartened when things don’t manifest according to your picture and plan or move too slowly. Identify the things that keep you excited, inspired, and motivated no matter what is happening in your life. Strong self-care, daily rituals, walks in nature, getting together with loving friends…… Life is an journey not an event. Are you looking for a quick fix or life-long happiness?
4. Build in support and accountability with a friend or colleague who may also want the same support. Hire a coach to cheer you on, provide objectivity, give you a nudge (or a kick in the butt), celebrate your wins, and support you in seeing the fabulous, beautiful, lovable person you are.
5. Make wiser choices with your time and energy. We make choices minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. One of my favorite books is Debbie Ford’s, “The Right Questions“. She says the choices we make today create our future. Published in 2004, The Right Questions offers brilliant insight and simplicity that provide a solid foundation for making choices that are aligned with your heart and spirit to successfully manifest the life of your dreams.
A few of her questions were very familiar to me because I have asked them of myself and with clients. Many of the others are so powerfully life altering! Access your copy now and I guarantee it will be one of the best investments you will make in your future (as long as you use it!)
I’d love to interview her for my Compelling Conversation Series!
Have a great weekend!
Lorraine
www.powerfull-living.biz
www.isayyesnow.com
http://www.powerfull-living.biz/blog/2009/05/22/are-you-breaking-agreements-with-yourself/trackback/
Carol Rozek on 23 May 2009 at 2:01 pm: 1
Great article, Lo, and very key. I haven’t done my morning workout since the Grand Opening – we now have five boarders – and I was reminding myself earlier today to reorganize my day to fit in my workouts. Your article inspired me to do some DahnMuDo while the dogs were sleeping around me. Whatever I can fit in until we get a routine going here is helpful.
As always, thanks for your inspiration and timely reminders, and . . . the link to our website.
Love,
Carol
Kathleen Gage on 24 May 2009 at 11:39 am: 2
This is a great post Lorraine. I am so grateful we began the accountability process when we did. It has made a huge difference in my focus.
And yes, it is the little things we let slip that lead into bigger slips. It is simply a matter of choosing. Choosing what kind of life we want and most importantly realizing life is about decision. Each moment we can decide to move closer to our vision of a great life or further away.
Choose wisely.
Kathleen Gage
The Street Smarts Marketer
lorraine on 25 May 2009 at 11:48 am: 3
The little things we skip doing can make a huge difference Carol
We might not realize how much right away and left out of our daily routines, begin to have a much bigger impact!
Hugs,
Lo
lorraine on 25 May 2009 at 11:52 am: 4
Amen Kathleen
The daily accountability is so empowering. Making choices to say YES to what I desire is also bringing up lots of stuff lurking in the background that has been sabotaging my efforts!
It’s great to be partnering with you my friend!
Peace,
Lo