fulfilling life that aligns with your spirit
Do You Have Courage To Be Authentic?
Published on 13 Mar 2009 at 4:07 pm.
2 Comments.
Filed under Courage Series,Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies.
“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” -Hardy D. Jackson
On a recent coaching call with a client, we spoke about her desire to be more authentic and she was unsure what that really meant. Great question.
Did it mean saying whatever she thought and felt to everyone at all times?
Did it mean she was expected to be in full disclosure without any sense of privacy?
Did it mean she had to face things she might not be ready to deal with?
Did it mean she had to give up certain boundaries that kept her feeling safe?
Did it mean she always had to tell the truth no matter how uncomfortable she felt?
She shuddered at the thought of having to be so open and vulnerable with people. So, we talked about what being authentic means to her and what it means to me. It was a great conversation.
What she came to realize is that being authentic for her meant being true to her values, and beliefs regardless of what other people thought, having the courage to be honest and real with herself, choosing what she felt comfortable disclosing, and taking 100% responsibility for her thoughts and actions.
She summarized her definition as being true to who she is (as she understands herself) in any situation to the best of her ability. It’s new for her to be that honest with herself and others and she’s taking baby steps with people she trusts. How much or how little she discloses is her choice.
My definition of authenticity is pretty much the same as my client. I find that being fully present in my body with what is happening in the NOW helps me to tune into myself in any given situation. Years of being on my journey also helps me to recognize when I might be dancing around things that are based in fear or pain. When I am avoiding, rationalizing, making excuses, or defending my position, that’s my signal that there is something that needs to be healed, released, or forgiven.
Having to “look good” to win others people’s love and approval is a lot of energy and work. Hiding parts of ourselves only keeps us in a lot of shame and fear because we’re scared of being “found out” and is also a LOT of energy and work!
Frankly, I don’t have the interest or patience to work that hard to gain people’s love. Some people you connect with, some you don’t. That’s ok.
All of my close friendships value authenticity and we are very real with each other. Forming intimate relationships doesn’t happen overnight. They can take several years to develop a bond of trust that is repeatedly tested until we come to believe that we are safe to be who we are without fear of loss of love or punishment. That’s unconditional love!
I have found that being authentic does not mean being powerless, cold, arrogant, insensitive, stepping all over people’s boundaries, imposing your beliefs on others whether they want to hear them or not…. Quite the opposite. Being true to who you really are is empowering and freeing. When you allow your true loving nature to emerge your life can become richer and more fulfilling.
Have you ever been with someone who was willing to be vulnerable and because they were so real, you felt comfortable to be a bit more vulnerable too? It felt safer to let your guard down? We can make instant connections with folks when they’re sincere and open to let us glimpse into their heart.
What’s your definition of authenticity?
Does being authentic matter to you?
With whom do you feel the most comfortable to be who you are?
In what situations do you hide who you are?
What is one thing you can do today to bring authenticity into more areas of your life?
Have a fabulous weekend 
Lorraine
PS – have you seen my new movie video I Say YES? Click here to view it and receive a free gift!
Jocelyn on 15 Mar 2009 at 10:21 pm: 1
Being authentic matters, and being authentic means being true to ourselves. Without being true to ourselves, we wouldn’tn know what our real issues are, what weaknesses we should address and what dreams can make us happy.
lorraine on 16 Mar 2009 at 8:25 am: 2
Right on Jocelyn
The inner journey is key to being authentic with ourselves and how we show up in the world. The more aligned we are in that congruency, the better our life works.