fulfilling life that aligns with your spirit
Why Saying “I Changed My Mind” Instead of Disappearing Is Important
Published on 10 Sep 2008 at 10:27 am.
4 Comments.
Filed under Business Development,Courage Series,Feature Articles,Personal Development Strategies.
A common theme I’ve seen with folks for years is how they handle “I changed my mind”.  It’s a theme that carries into their business and personal lives.
Here’s are two examples:
1. I’m often contacted for a complimentary consultation from someone who wants to discuss coaching. They take the time to fill out the form on my site and state why they’d like to speak with me. I’m very responsive to returning emails within 24-48 hours. We set up an agreed upon time to speak. The date arrives and they don’t show up. No call or email.
2. You’ve had a great conversation with someone who says they want to use your services. You probably work with an agreement, proposal, contract or invoice to initiate your work together. Everything looks like it’s go. You might set up a call or meeting to finalize things especially if they need to check out some things like scheduling, time considerations, or budgets. And you don’t hear from them again. You make several attempts to contact them and there is no response.
They changed their mind.
Why do people disappear?
Here are a few common reasons why people don’t admit they changed their mind
- It’s too confrontational. They say they’re uncomfortable being so honest. They feel too vulnerable and fear the reaction from the other person
- Other priorities come up that require their attention. You aren’t one of them. They may or may not get back to youÂ
- They made a mistake in saying yes and they are embarrassed to admit it. The decision might have been made impulsively and disappointing others or “looking bad” is something they want to avoid.
- They don’t want to deal with it. Too stressful, too much work. They might not know what to say and if no relationship has been established, they feel no further action is important.
- It’s a habit. They don’t give it another thought.
I admit that “I changed my mind” without a word can be a button-pusher for me because I appreciate and advocate communication. Who you are and what you do speaks volumes to people. People respond favorably to congruency and less favorable with inconsistencies. Congruency fosters trust.
Do your words and actions match or do you say one thing and do something else?
Avoiding situations as being unpleasant or uncomfortable diminishes reputation, trust, and credibility.  For me, integrity is one of my highest core values.  I see showing up and taking 100% responsibility for actions as key elements to being integrity. Â
What you might not realize is that when you make mistakes or avoid situations, you abandon yourself by not showing up, speaking up, and standing up for who you are. If you’re on a journey to grow yourself as a person as well as your business, I guarantee that on some level, you will feel the effects on your self-esteem and confidence don’t take 100% responsibility for who you are and what you do (or don’t do!)
How do you handle situations when you need to change your mind?
Anything you need to clear up or clean up?
I’ve said many times that every experience offers healing and growth opportunities. You might be amazed at how much more peaceful and abundant life is when you show up and embrace them all!
Cheers,
Lorraine
www.powerfull-living.biz
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Clarence Coggins Crown Prince of Web 2.0 on 11 Sep 2008 at 1:00 am: 1
I understand where you are coming from. But, I’m left with the feeling that you are applying your views to their action and holding your views as the standard. To me it actually reeks of holding on to outcomes.
It is unpleasant for you. But, it is possible they never intended to do business with you in the first place. I understand it is inconvenient for you. You set aside your time. You rescheduled your life for them. But the reality is people are free to do what they will.
It really annoying to see how people try to dictate the behavior of others. I guess because I’m a real freedom loving person. You have the right to request to be treated as you wanted to be. You have the right to judge people. But just because you have a right doesn’t make you right.
lorraine on 11 Sep 2008 at 7:46 am: 2
Many thanks for your comments Clarence
I can appreciate your perspective. I’m specifically speaking of people’s discomfort of showing up and being accountable when things are uncomfortable. We’re in relationships and we freely give ourselves permission to avoid situations we don’t want to deal with.
You bet we all have free will and we do what we want. To your point, we are all creating our reality by who we are being in every situation.
Warmly,
Lorraine
Lola Fayemi / Nourishment for your spiritual awakening on 11 Sep 2008 at 4:58 pm: 3
Hi Lorraine
I must admit I do find this kind of stuff irritating, a part of life yes, but still irritating.
Yes people are free to do what they want, but it is common courtesy to honour people’s time and in my opinion basic manners.
Fair enough we don’t always know what’s behind the behaviour and it’s not always about us, but when it’s borne out of allowing the fear to be bigger than the desire, it’s a shame they are not honest with us. Things work differently in the coaching world and there are growth opportunites for them, even in the allowing of their fear to take over.
Tey would actually get a lot further if they were just honest in that instance, but I suppose you can’t be honest with someone else if you aren’t honest with yourself.
In love, light and abundance x x x
lorraine on 12 Sep 2008 at 10:26 am: 4
I echo many of your comments Lola
Yes, we have free will and will do what we want. My wish is for us to cultivate a greater sensitivity to others that includes mutualrespect and value that can fall through the cracks when we don’t deal with things because we’re afraid and uncomfortable. Where’s the growth in that?
I loved what you said about the inability to be honest with others if you aren’t with yourself. Profoundly wise my friend. So true
Hugs,
Lo