Seeing the Blessings in The Loss of A Friendship
Published on 7 Jul 2008 at 8:32 am.
10 Comments.
Filed under Feature Articles, Personal Development Strategies, Spirituality & Inspiration.
“When you don’t feel that you have to be perfect to be accepted, when you are given the freedom to be yourself in every situation, when you can share your heart without risk of betrayal, when being together is more important than what you do … that is when you’re in the presence of a friend. “~ Unknown
For the last several years I have been friends with a woman several years older than me. In many ways we were kindred spirits, in other ways you might wonder what brought us together because of the vast differences. There were times I wondered myself. Over the years she has supported me in so many ways…..
In the past year some of those differences began to widen. Two months ago we had a falling out and she voiced feelings she had been withholding because she had lacked the courage to express what she’d been feeling for a while. I know how scary that scary it can feel to be vulnerable and honest. I forgive her for holding back her true feelings.
From that conversation, we knew it was to step away from the friendship and stay open to our paths crossing in the future. We are moving in new life directions and we want different things in a friendship.
People come into our lives for brief periods, perhaps moments, and then they are gone. Some come into our lives and we feel so intensely connected that we expect to be in each other’s lives forever… and that doesn’t happen. (I’ve had that experience a few times). Others might remain for a lifetime and beyond.The blessings and gifts they bring to enrich our life experiences are not always apparent especially when we view those experiences negatively.
I believe people come into our lives to serve us to grow and evolve through the experiences we mutually create. We are all teachers for each other and student of life at the same time. Even in those times of conflict and discomfort, the invitation to discover the hidden blessings and gifts is always there if we are willing to look.
If you’re on a spiritual journey and value personal growth, you know your outer world is a reflection of who you are and who you become. Whatever shifts you make within yourself, will be reflected outside in your world. Some people resist growing or spiritually awakening because they are afraid of how their life will change and they fear potential losses of love and support.
Nothing stays the same forever. Change is a constant in life. No one is to blame or wrong. It isn’t about holding onto to people and things in our life that insures our happiness. We are the source of our own happiness. Regardless of any external situations, we choose to be happy or unhappy.
I could choose to be angry and upset about things that happened in the past between us, ruminate about some things she said that I didn’t like, or focus on something to justify our friendship shifting in order to block my feelings of sadness. Instead I choose to feel it all - to let all my feelings hang out without negating anything and making plenty of space to celebrate all the times we shared that were gifts and blessings in my life. I am gratefull for them all!
I know I am a better and more loving person because she has been in my life. I wish her well in this next phase of her life and I sense she is embarking on an exciting new adventure!
Blessings to you
Lorraine
www.powerfull-living.biz
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map on 7 Jul 2008 at 7:56 pm: 1
I’ve been through episodes like what you’ve described. It has been pretty painful for me.
Additionally, at this stage, I find myself growing in a way that is no longer the stuff that most of my girlfriends are interested in. I can’t help my boredom sometimes when I’m with them. I’m less keen to discuss trivial things. Rather than choosing to be no longer friends, I decided to manifest for myself a new group of friends, who are more aligned to my new spiritual interests. And I’ve been richly rewarded!
It’s great that you can see the good that has come up from your relationship with this friend; rather than dwell on pain and hurt. Yes…friends move in and out of our lives…each of them can teach us something about ourselves.
Hugs,
Evelyn
lorraine on 7 Jul 2008 at 9:38 pm: 2
It’s interesting that you write about feeling bored Evelyn
I came to that same feeling years ago when I realized that many of the conversations folks were having were not in sync with what matter most to me. I wanted meaty conversations that had substance and I wanted to closely align with folks who were growing and flowing. I realized many different types of relationships bring richness to my life without all having to be intimate. The key for me was paying attention to ones I might be holding onto for the wrong reasons. This was one of them.
I can relate to everything you said. It’s a natural progression on the path of awakening that relationships shift to match who you are becoming.
Love and light
Lorraine
Ari Koinuma on 7 Jul 2008 at 9:47 pm: 3
I, too, can relate to what Evelyn and Lorraine are saying. I feel that I change and grow fairly fast — and most relationships can’t keep up with my changes. Many relationships burned brightly for 1-2 years and fizzled away quickly.
On the other hand, there have been relationships where it stayed distant for some time, but somehow it comes back and we find each other in very similar places. It’s very exciting when this happens.
Relationships choose its own distance, and I believe it’s best to feel the ebb and flow in the energy and let the relationship be. It’s easier said than done — it takes courage to step closer, and the same applies to stepping away, as both actions present risks. But keeping an un-optimum distance is the most unhealthy.
ari
lorraine on 7 Jul 2008 at 9:55 pm: 4
Beautifully put Ari
I too have found that some relationships ebb and flow. For me, it isn’t how long they last, it is that the time we spend together is quality and serves us in growing. I resonate with your comment about letting relationships be. That is a great invitation for us all to let go of who we want people to be and honor who they are as gifts and blessings.
Have a great night Ari
Blessings,
Lorraine
Robert@MindPowerMarketing on 8 Jul 2008 at 6:46 am: 5
You make some valuable points Lorraine. It’s true that people can be right for us at one stage in our life and that there comes a time when we all have to move on. It’s great to be able to accept that and see the value of past friendships and new ones too.
Best regards
Robert
lorraine on 8 Jul 2008 at 6:52 am: 6
Thanks Robert
It can get tricky because relationships/friendships invite so many thoughts and feelings. Choosing to see the best and good in situation regardless of the outcome takes practice and an open, compassionate heart to look at experiences from an expanded viewpoint. I haven’t mastered that yet and I appreciate all the people who come into my life to help me get better at unconditional love and acceptance.
Warmly,
Lorraine
Karen on 9 Jul 2008 at 10:43 pm: 7
I had two friends that hurt me very deeply. I’m a very loyal person that doesn’t have many friends. Well, perhaps I know a lot of people, but am very selective about who I call “friend”. Losing a friend is a horrible grieving process. The last friend I lost 1 1/2 years ago and it was from her betraying me. It hurt so badly!!!! I still have a few close friends, but unfortunately, none of them live close by. This makes it hard to get out and do things and feel connected to someone.
lorraine on 10 Jul 2008 at 7:06 am: 8
Hi Karen
I can appreciate how experiences that go sour can shake trust and cause a great deal of pain. When people do things, it can be very challenging to not take things personal because it can feel very personal. What I have come to realize both in working with clients and from my own journey is that we can hold on to pain or transform it. I ask the question, “What do I need to bring this to peace within myself?” The tougher questions include looking at how that person served me to grow. Perhaps I learned from that pain that I wasn’t authentic, I lost my voice and didn’t speak up, my expectations were unrealistic about the person, or I might have abandoned myself in different ways, and that person might be teaching me about forgiveness….. There is a wonderful gem of a book called The Little Soul & the Sun by Neale Donald Walsh you might like.
Blessings,
Lorraine
Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker on 15 Jul 2008 at 8:23 pm: 9
Sometimes when you let go, the friendship takes a break and comes back even stronger. Sometimes, you do outgrow each other. Sometimes, the paths take a different direction for awhile or forever. Friendships are definitely blessings. The ending can also be a blessing to our continued growth.
lorraine on 15 Jul 2008 at 9:53 pm: 10
So true Patricia
Actually this is the second close friendship that has drifted apart the last two years. Several years ago I reconnected with another dear friend when the relationship drifted a part. I stay open to possibilities in the future and celebrate what they have been that have helped me to become who I am today. It’s not about holding onto people. To your point, the endings are a blessing for what is next.
Warmly,
Lorraine