Do You Have The Courage To Speak Up?
Published on 2 Jun 2008 at 6:22 am.
11 Comments.
Filed under Business Development, Courage Series, Feature Articles, Personal Development Strategies.
When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I’m afraid.” - Audre Lorde
I recently flew down to North Carolina to participate in a retreat weekend to explore how a group of my colleagues might join forces to create a business together AND get to know each other better. We’d been having phone conversations for a while.
The group idea was inspired by a close friend who wanted to have a team of skilled professionals to collaborate on group and team projects. So she invited several people she knew and respected to come together in partnership to explore possibilities. Her vision is to bring a proven holistic business model to progressive businesses all over the world who value investing and growing their workforce while growing their business. The beauty of the material is that it works with individuals, groups and teams.
Our group conversations had now progressed to, “What’s next for us? Are we aligned in a shared vision and what would that look like? Are we a group that can and desires to become a global business? What would our time, energy, and financial investment be? Lots of questions to explore.
How did it go? For me, it was an exhausting and painful weekend. When people get together lots of things can get stirred up in addition to anything else people are dealing with in their business or personal life.
I’ve always been fairly vocal and direct (in case you haven’t figured that out yet ). In recent years, I have been fostering a deeper confidence to be authentic; to show up, speak up and be who I am without hiding or withholding my heart regardless of how it lands with other people. How people interpret my words, intentions, actions…. is their responsibility, not mine.
Strong women are often judged as being intimidating, dominant, bitchy etc. It can be risky to show up and be true to who you know yourself to be without apologizing or modifying who you are being to please others. And, I’m not talking about running over people, being pushy, or obnoxious. Folks don’t always like or appreciate directness and honesty. It can feel scary and threatening.
It takes guts and inner strength to look deeply within yourself. Facing things about yourself that are uncomfortable is not always easy. The rewards are massive because it allows the true parts of yourself to emerge.
I have found that by having the courage to risk being authentic, people might respond favorably because it gives them permission to be real. How liberating that is! It’s exhausting and painful to have to censor yourself or be afraid to show people the real “you.”
Isn’t that what we all really want? To be loved and accept for who we are!
So, on the weekend I was feeling strong, centered, and I said what was on my mind. My friend was also vocal and it seemed to me that we were the only ones really being honest and speaking up. I sensed people were holding back from being fully engaged to protect themselves. It became apparent that working together in a group business was unrealistic and undesired.
Despite how things played out, it was a good weekend. Questions were asked and answered (directly and indirectly), clarity emerged… Every experience offers a healing and growth opportunity.
Do you have the courage to be authentic?
Do you “show up and stand strong” in what you believe regardless of what other people think and say?
Each situation is different. How authentic you choose to be is influenced by the degree of perceived risk, what’s at stake, the level of importance, and how strong you feel inside yourself.
Do you feel good about who you are at the end of the day?
I hope you do 
If not, tomorrow is another day with endless opportunities…..
Cheers,
Lorraine
www.powerfull-living.biz
PS: Aligning With Your Destiny begins June 3O. Learn more about what is being called, “the single best, most comprhensive and unique personal and spiritual development program” participants have ever taken. Receive a F*R*E*E audio download package. Register by June 14 and save $150!
Lola Fayemi / Nourishment for your spiritual awakening on 2 Jun 2008 at 9:26 am: 1
Hey Lorraine
As a fellow straight talking woman, I hear you on the fact it doesn’t always go down well! However, sometimes I think that could be a limiting belief on our part.
The reason I say that is that whenever I have had to say something I deemed as difficult for someone to hear, something heals or shifts for the other person from my utterings. There have been tears and stuff but tears on realisations and the more honest that person is with themselves the more they thank me for telling them something they needed to hear.
In this case, good for you for being upfront and honest. It seems you may have saved yourself some precious time, energy, money etc. Partnering with the wrong people can be a painful and expensive lesson to learn. I’ve been there once and would not choose to learn that one again!
Loving the opening quote btw…
In love, light and abundance x x x
lorraine on 2 Jun 2008 at 9:48 am: 2
Great insights Lola
I do feel it’s a limiting belief that hold people back. Actually - several beliefs centered around the things we tell ourselves in our heard, We can scare ourselves into silence.
I think it’s our responsibility for how we deliver information and being willing to truly serve others by being real and inviting them to do the same while letting go of expectations of how things turn out.
Like you I have had some powerfull and healing experiences from people who have welcomed the honesty and there has been great healing for me and them.
I’m keeping that invitation open….
Hugs,
Lorraine
lorraine on 2 Jun 2008 at 9:49 am: 3
Great insights Lola
I do feel it’s a limiting belief that hold people back. Actually - several beliefs centered around the things we tell ourselves in our head, We can scare ourselves into silence.
I think it’s our responsibility for how we deliver information and being willing to truly serve others by being real and inviting them to do the same while letting go of expectations of how things turn out.
Like you I have had some powerfull and healing experiences from people who have welcomed the honesty and there has been great healing for me and them.
I’m keeping that invitation open….
Hugs,
Lorraine
Gina on 2 Jun 2008 at 10:36 am: 4
Hi Lorraine,
Funny you wrote an article on this. This has been a practice for me since I tend to hold things in. But since I’ve been doing the ‘inner’ work, I find that things seem to be coming out of me that normally would not. The voices aren’t there that says stuff such as ‘oh will they still like me’ etc.
I’m finally learning that everyone is on their own path and I can’t please everyone. And with me coming from my authentic self, then those that resonate with what I do will come along and those that don’t won’t stay and will continue on their path.
Thanks Lorraine for keeping the inspiration flowing!
Gina
lorraine on 2 Jun 2008 at 1:15 pm: 5
Mah plezure to be of service to ya
Nice inner shifts Gina
It’s too hard to be someone you’re not. Like you, I want to be with people who invite me to be real and value the same.
Keep on saying what’s in your heart!!!!!
Warmly,
Lorraine
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work on 3 Jun 2008 at 12:48 pm: 6
Lorriane this theme seems to be making the rounds lately. In my very last post I talked about the freedom of self-expression, Speak Freely or Die merry.
Pretty soon there will be more authentic folks in the world than fakes. Woun’t that be fun?
lorraine on 3 Jun 2008 at 4:58 pm: 7
I love the synchronicities Tom
I’ve seen that happen a few times lately and I just start chuckling. Things are moving!
Hey, you still want to connect by phone and chat for a little bit?
Cheers,
Lorraine
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work on 4 Jun 2008 at 11:54 am: 8
Hi Lorraine that sounds good to me. I have the perfect day for it. How about next Friday, June 13?
You can name your time that day. I’ll send you an email so we can firm things up.
lorraine on 4 Jun 2008 at 12:11 pm: 9
Sounds great Tom
I’m being interviewed from 12-1 pm. How about 10:30am?
Cheers,
Lorraine
Karen Tax on 5 Jun 2008 at 7:31 am: 10
As the host and participant of the weekend Lorraine wrote about, I want to add my thoughts. First, Lorraine is my hero when it comes to speaking straight. During the weekend, she was kind and compassionate, without holding back. She strongly spoke up, and also stepped back and invited others in. She shared useful observations, wants, needs and requests. She demonstrated healthy and skilled communication.
Like Lorraine, I have struggled with people’s reactions to me being direct. I’ve realized that there is only so much ‘making space’ for others you can do - and then they have to do their part.
A useful reframe I’m playing with right now is: every reaction I evoke is an expression of delight - no matter what it looks like. Big reactions are especially good; it means we’re really getting some where! People want to heal and grow … at least those I work with do.
I’m grateful for this opportunity to share my thoughts Lorraine! It’s a good reminder that any holding back I do is all of my own doing. And there is more than enough space, time, energy in this world for us ALL to be exactly how we want to be.
Thank you Lorraine for being you.
lorraine on 5 Jun 2008 at 6:22 pm: 11
Many thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts Karen,
My intention, when speaking up, is to say what’s in my heart and mind in a clean and thoughtful way. Some days I do better than others
Being direct and honest is scary for so many people, and me too at times.
Let’s keep talking!
Cheers,
Lorraine