10 Qualities That Foster Trust & Safety In Relationships
Published on 21 May 2008 at 8:44 am.
14 Comments.
Filed under Feature Articles, Personal Development Strategies, Spirituality & Inspiration.
I’m incredibly blessed to have developed wonderful business relationships and friendships. I can’t imagine who I would be or what my life would be like without them when I need business advice, feedback, to vent, a hug, a cheer, or a kick in the pants.
I’m a believer that the outside world is a reflection of the person we become on the inside. On days, when I am not at my best and feeling a bit low, I think of the people in my life who like hanging out with me in business or in my personal life. I realize if the people I enjoy, love, admire, and respect as high quality people want to be with me, well, what does that say about me, huh? My mood begins to lift and my thoughts shift. It’s a great reality check!
It takes time to develop trust and safety with folks.
The 10 qualities below are personal values I bring to my relationships and ones I look for in others.
1. Authenticity. Being real and genuine (as much as possible). Willingness to be vulnerable and let go of the need “to look good” in all situations invites opportunities to make a heart connection. In truth, we’re not always are our best and being human invites others to be real and genuine. When I’m in conversation with someone who is only sharing from their head, I have no sense of who they are because I can’t feel them anywhere!
2. Listening and communications skills. Who doesn’t want to feel heard and understood?Having the ability to express thoughts and feelings creates connection. Becoming a great listener and communicator is an art; one that can be developed without having to be perfect. Refer to a prior post I wrote on The Art of Listening.
3. Forgiveness. Making it ok to be human. I have put my foot in my mouth on many occasions and been forgiven. We all screw up sometimes and knowing that our human choices (yup I said choices) and mistakes will not cost us love and acceptance is a huge builder of trust and safety.
4. Unconditional love/acceptance. That’s what our children and animals teach us! Being loved and accepted for who we are is a normal and human desire we all want. Our individual viewpoints, experiences, passions… add richness and flavor to relationships (and the world). When we can offer unconditional love and acceptance to others we share a great gift that can be nurtured and passed on. That is how we serve others to heal and grow. Love is our natural state! Being forgiven has taught me how to forgive others; to look beyond the action or comment and see who that person is - someone just like me who wants to be loved and accepted.
5. 100% responsibility. Letting go of the blame game and fully owning thoughts, words, and actions. This is about being in personal integrity in how we show up and making amends when appropriate. Folks in my circle know that if it’s my stuff, I’ll own it and clean up anything I’ve created to the best of my ability. Red flags go up for me when I see folks play the blame game and pass the buck.
6. Not taking everything personally. This is an advanced skill to be able to hear and experience people from a charge neutral space with compassionate detachment. As a coach, therapist, and counselor, being able to step back without personalizing is a skill I’ve honed over the years. Having a strong self-image and sense of self are critical elements in being able to de-personalize. Being hungry, angry, lonely or tired can make it harder to stay in a loving space with people without reacting. Keeping self-care a priority is important!
7. Aligned values. Spiritual growth, personal transformation, communication, integrity are some of my core values. The people closest to me all share a common value of personal growth/life-long learning. Being with people who share personal, business, life values can feel like connecting with kindred spirits!
8. Compassion/empathy. Loving appreciation and understanding without judgment or criticism. Being thoughtful and caring invites the love of our soul to emerge. Ties right back to #4.
9. Supportive. People feel supported in different ways. Communicating what we need to be supported is the way we teach people how to show up for us. Building a strong community of people who nurture, energize, and lift us (whether we need a boost or not!) invites us to be authentic.
10. Managing conflict. This is a biggy for many folks. When people show up to work through the conflict by taking responsibility for their part, de-personalizing, being honest, making amends if necessary…. many of the points I’ve written about already, real trust and safety flourishes. We want to know that when things get tough and uncomfortable, folks will stick around and not leave us! Read my post - A Model for Conflict Resolution.
What would you add on your list?
When you’re having one of those days when you’re not feeling great, look at the people in your life who hang out with you because they love you, respect you, and appreciate you. You might find remembering helps to broaden and lift your outlook!
Cheers
Lorraine
www.powerfull-living.biz
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map on 22 May 2008 at 10:29 am: 1
Honestly, Lorraine, I don’t know what else to add. You seem to have cover them all! I like your list!
Warmest regards,
Evelyn
lorraine on 22 May 2008 at 1:44 pm: 2
I couldn’t think of any more either Evelyn!
Thanks!
Lorraine
mina on 31 May 2008 at 6:30 pm: 3
Hi Lorraine,
Thanks for posting this great article to the day shifting and paradigm June 7 edition. I like your post and personally, I can’t add anything more on your list. I’ll ping you when all posts were placed. Thanks and kind regards.
lorraine on 31 May 2008 at 7:38 pm: 4
Hi Mina,
Thanks for the comment. I felt inspired when I wrote it and I’m delighted you want to include it. I’ll give you a Stumble when you’re all set.
Warmly,
Lorraine
Effortless Abundance » Blog Archive » The Effortless Abundance Blog Carnival - first edition on 31 May 2008 at 8:02 pm: 5
[...] Cohen presents Powerfull Living » 10 Qualities That Foster Trust & Safety In Relationships posted at Powerfull [...]
JHS on 1 Jun 2008 at 1:23 pm: 6
Thanks for participating in this week’s Carnival of Family Life hosted at Live from Waterloo on Monday, June 2, 2008! Be sure to check out the other excellent entries this week!
JHS on 1 Jun 2008 at 1:30 pm: 7
Thanks for participating in this week’s Carnival of Family Life hosted at Live from Waterloo on Monday, June 2, 2008! Be sure to check out the other excellent entries this week!
Carnival of Positive Thinking on 1 Jun 2008 at 2:23 pm: 8
[...] Powerful Living presents Powerfull Living » 10 Qualities That Foster Trust & Safety In Relationships posted at Powerfull Living, saying, “Learn the elements that improve relationships in all [...]
Texting Freak on 6 Jun 2008 at 7:49 pm: 9
This is certainly all good advice, and the interesting thing is that these all involve soft skills. It’s amazing how important soft skills are compared to what everyone considers the more important hard skills
lorraine on 6 Jun 2008 at 8:00 pm: 10
I find that people don’t always realize how powerfull the soft skills are and the affect on relationships in all areas of their life, personally and professionally.
Thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts!
Cheers,
Lorraine
pinkblocks - personal power and self help » Blog Carnival on Personal Power June 21, 2008 on 22 Jun 2008 at 10:23 am: 11
[...] business advice, feedback, to vent, a hug, a cheer, or a kick in the pants. Says Lorraine Cohen in Powerfull Living » 10 Qualities That Foster Trust & Safety In Relationships posted at Powerfull [...]
Ari Koinuma on 26 Jun 2008 at 11:14 pm: 12
Hello Lorraine,
Just came over from pinkblock’s blog carnival.
It’s related to several others you mentioned, but I’d like to suggest something along the line of “genuine interest.”
When I think of relationships where I feel safe, it’s always in the knowledge that the other person is genuinely interested in me, what and how I’m doing.
On the other hand, I don’t feel safe or compelled to be with people who are not interested in me, no matter how great of a person he/she is. That ends up being more of a one-way admiration, not a two-way relationship.
What do you think?
ari
lorraine on 27 Jun 2008 at 5:21 am: 13
Great point Ari
It is related and worth highlighting. You can tell when there is a lack of interest and it is “all about me” or one of admiration. Like you, I find that kind of interaction less safe and compelling.
Many thanks for adding that point Ari!
Warmly,
Lorraine
Thanks to all our contributors !!! at Social Entrepreneurship Today on 1 Jul 2008 at 7:35 am: 14
[...] presents Powerfull Living » 10 Qualities That Foster Trust & Safety In Relationships posted at Powerfull Living, saying, “Learn the elements that improve relationships in all [...]