What Are You Dis-Owning?
Published on 2 May 2008 at 7:04 am.
4 Comments.
Filed under Feature Articles, Personal Development Strategies, Spirituality & Inspiration.
At a workshop last year we were asked to make a list of people we disliked. The second step was to find qualities about that person that we could appreciate. Next we were asked to notice what that person might be mirroring (reflecting back something in us) we might be dis-owning.
I picked President Bush (no offense intended to anyone who might feel differently). I admit I had an initial resistance to seeing him in a positive light because I was so focused on all the things I disagreed with and judged. This was a challenging exercise. I have no idea who he is as a man -I only know who he presents himself to be through the media.
As a spiritual minister and therapist, I have come to know that the people in our lives who bring out the strongest emotions in us are mirroring something in us that we are either owning or dis-owning.
For example, I have a great admiration for my business partner Anita Pathik-Law. I see her as brilliantly skillful, talented and intuitive. When I tell her this, she says she sees the same qualities and gifts in me. I admit that I don’t always own that in myself.
So, back to President Bush….Aside from my opinions about his political position, I found myself recognizing him as a man who really showed up to what he believes. He has been consistent in his position on terrorism, the war and the policies he’s put in place to safeguard us in the US. He has been under fire for his choices and may have lost a great deal of popularity and he holds strong to the beliefs he shares.
Once I was able to appreciate his commitment to his beliefs and values, my opinion began to shift. I was able to admire that quality in him and still disagree with his choices and actions.
The mirror was a great gift.
It invited questions like:
1. What do I stand for?
2. What am I committed to fully show up for no matter what people think?
3. Where and when might I back down or run away?
4. What holds me back from fully showing up?
5. How do I treat myself when, on some level, I recognize I am abandoning myself? (This can be conscious or unconscious recognition that can lead to feelings of self-punishment, self-deprecation, and unforgiveness.)
6. What stories, dramas, rationalization, justifications, or excuses do I use to make backing down or running away OK?
7. What shifts do I need to make to become fully committed and present to who I am, who I wish to become, and what I am meant to do?
So, what might you be disowning? A natural talent, strength, quality or skill? Your self-worth, your voice, knowledge…you see how many places this can go right?
Your invitations to show up:
1. Consider a relationship that is challenging for you. What does that person/situation mirror back to you that you might be missing? What can you admire or appreciate about that person. Dig deeper here to stretch beyond the negative things you are focused on. The people who feel the most challenging can be our greatest teachers!
2. Consider a relationship you admire. What might you be disowning in yourself that is admirable? What needs to shift for you to celebrate that part of yourself and allow it to flourish?
3. Play with questions 1-7 for greater clarity (I could have given you more questions and I thought 7 would be a good start!
Enjoy the weekend!
Cheers 
Lorraine
www.powerfull-living.biz
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map on 2 May 2008 at 9:17 pm: 1
Hello Lorraine,
I like it when you said “Once I was able to appreciate his commitment to his beliefs and values, my opinion began to shift. I was able to admire that quality in him and still disagree with his choices and actions”. That is well put. Your article today is timely as I have been thinking over some of my negative perceptions regarding a relative.
With much thanks and appreciation,
Evelyn
lorraine on 2 May 2008 at 9:55 pm: 2
I have been realizing that in owning who I am as a spiritual being in a physical reality I must also recognize that everyone, without exception. is also the same and that we are connected as Source energy. We are all IAM. This is a concept I am understanding more deeply Evelyn and it confronts my negative attitudes and beliefs.
The key is to shift in seeing the good in everyone and appreciating how they serve us to grow. Not always the easiest to do as long as we get caught up in our stories and dramas! LOL
Blessings,
Lorraine
AnneMarie Callan on 5 May 2008 at 2:43 am: 3
Hi Lorraine
I was talking about this with a family friend over the weekend and it is sad that even thought there may be just one person in your life you want to distance yourself from, you may have to do it for your own sanity.
Yes, there is good and bad in everyone but when just one person has the power to upset many people over the years - distance is best.
We could debate about this for hours, but in the end all we can do is hope that such a person finds happiness in their lives that they don’t have a need to to negative about others.
I guess some people have issues from childhood which were never addressed and now in their 80’s have left a trail of unhappiness. That is sad?
lorraine on 5 May 2008 at 7:47 am: 4
Hi AnneMarie
I have been estranged from my sister twice because of the toxicity of our relationship. I had to come to terms and accept who she is and let go of who I wished her to be. Like you, I wish her happiness in whatever way she can experience it and I focus on the ways she has served me such as finding my voice to stand up to her bullying and finding compassion for her pain. She has been a great teacher for me.
Blessings,
Lorraine